"You would not believe what happened to me today," Lightbody announced to the carpool. "I got a visit from the new morals police chief, you know her?…Burton?"
"Haliburton."
"There you go. Well, she knocks on my door, this is five minutes before the bell, the lesson's over, I'm bubbling in my attendance sheets and the kids are doing what they usually do, throwing paper balls, goofing off…anyway…she knocks on my door and walks in, and she's looking none too pleased with what she sees…and I say to her, Yes, can I help you? …and she asks me if I know a Mrs. Drummond, who is a crossing guard, she's at the corner of Myrtle and 105th…"
"I thought you parked at the gas station," Meier said.
"Well, I used to but it's beginning to add up, how much I'm paying this guy. I figured if they're going to get to my car, they can hit it there just as easily, then with the snow and everything…anyway she asks me if I knew this Mrs. Drummond, and I said, I know who she is, I've never spoken to her, and she says one of the kids complained to her I had made offensive remarks about this lady."
Everyone threw quick glances at Lightbody, listening for the slightest ripple of guilt and trouble in his voice.
"I said, Madam, I've hardly exchanged two words with this lady. Truth be told, I did once, when she flagged me down. She came up to my car, knocked on the window with her knuckles, and told me she's going to report me the next time I ignore her and cross the zebra lines. And I said, Madam, what are you talking about? Apparently, the day before, I'd passed in front instead of waiting for the kids to cross the zebra…I mean, I didn't even see the woman signaling, and in any case I was running late that morning… anyway this Haliburton lady says she'd received a complaint that I'd referred to the Drummond lady as a dog."
"You did what? Called the crossing guard a dog?" Brebnor said.
"I did no such thing. Actually, that's what the kids call her, the bulldog. I'd asked the class if anyone knew who the crossing guard was, and someone, I think it might have been Ramos, said, You mean the bulldog? and I said, That's the one. Any of you come across this woman?"
No one had. Everyone seemed amused.
"I had no idea at the time the woman's name was Drummond, the crossing guard I mean, so when this Haliburton lady tells me I'd insulted this Mrs. Drummond I tried to lighten up the situation by asking her…I mean, the thought just popped into my head… I asked her if she'd ever heard of Bulldog Drummond, you know, the detective in those novels? I said, Did you ever read those Bulldog Drummond books when you were a kid?"
The carpool thought they knew where Lightbody was going with the story and erupted in laughter.
"She didn't know who I was talking about. She said she'd read many authors but she hadn't heard of any Bulldog Drummond, and in any case she didn't think it appropriate for me to characterize – now listen to this – it was inappropriate for someone like me to characterize anyone, and certainly not this Mrs. Drummond, who lived in the community, whose job was just as important as any teacher's job… to characterize her as some sort of animal. So I started to explain, Madam, I did no such thing, and she just walked off."
For awhile they drove in silence. Then Brebnor, returning to Lightbody's attempt to lighten up the situation, muttered the words 'Bulldog Drumond'; unleasing a fresh outburst of laughter.
(from "Ah Mikhail, O Fidel!", a novel by N.D.Williams, 2001)
FARJOURNEY CARIBBEAN 